I've kind of chuckled a bit when hearing from parents in regards to their sons leaving home for hockey. It's just part of the game and we all did it. Most of us survived.
But it's never easy for the parents. Yes, my two oldest children did the same thing, and for the same reasons. But there is something different about my daughter Sonia.
Like hockey players, she's very talented. She also made the decision to get into a situation that allows her to develop into a professional musician. Boy, that sounds familiar.
I'm not the only one that's ever been in this situation, so this is what was learned this past week.
A player (or any child) leaving home may experience new routines and new expectations. Parents will experience a lot of change, too. And change can be hard. But there’s something deeper going on.
When the player moves out, both parent and child are experiencing a loss. With loss comes grief, and the sooner that’s recognized and acknowledged, the sooner everyone can transition to the new reality.
It’s important to remember all of the emotions you can experience while grieving – including anger, sadness, loneliness, uncertainty and fear. Whatever you’re feeling, know that it’s normal and there are ways to work through it.
When a child moves out, some parents may struggle with feelings of sadness or loss, and they’re naturally worried about what may happen to a kid as they make their way into the world.
Embrace the change: Don’t compare this to your own experiences. Focus on what you can do to help your player succeed.
Reach out: Make an effort to maintain regular contact (but not too much).
Focus on the positive: The extra time and energy you may have can be devoted to your personal relationships or interests.
Get help: If you’re having a difficult time, lean on those close to you. Don’t be afraid to seek help if the feelings persist.
A player (or even my daughter) leaving home for the first time can be a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it right away. With time and understanding, everyone involved can benefit and grow from the experience.
Regardless of the individual circumstances surrounding the exit, parents are always going to miss having their children as an active role in everyday life.
It's already been a week and I'm still a mess.